bohemianjake

*** DISCLAIMER*****

This post is meant to teach others how to avoid the mistakes I’ve made, it is not meant to embarass or call anyone out, therefore the names have been changed to avoid any hurt or liabilities.

I use writing as a cathartic experiment to really organize my feelings and indulge in my own vain introspection. Understanding that, it would be literally impossible for me to go on with my life without writing a blog about my most recent ex, who happens to be the world’s biggest sociopath. I do struggle with writing this for only one reason. This boy, let’s give him a random name to make him anonymous… how about… Jack, is so conceited that me doing this is going to probably blow his ego up even more. But knowing that perhaps gives me an advantage because his ego is already so large that any expansion of this personality VICE might make him more annoying and repulsive to the “friends” he surrounds himself with. Call it bitter, call it art,  just DON’T call it Gaga.

So coming out of a relationship with a sociopath, I’ve gained the maturity of how to spot and avoid one again in the future.

1. Drug binges- Stay away from boys who binge on copious amounts of narcotics. On one of the first occasions where I hung out with this kid, he: snorted a couple lines of cocaine, smoked a percocet from a homemade aluminum foil pipe, drank cooking wine, swallowed a xanex, and smoked weed. This was what we labeled: the random tuesday. Call me old fashion, but I’ve got shit to do. I’ve got classes on Wednesday, I have homework on weekday nights, I don’t have time to mix uppers and downers in an unhealthy manner on weekdays. But some people can handle this type of lifestyle while still managing to be functional people in society. Seeing as he was in med school, I simply assumed him to be one of these people.

At the same time, I envisioned myself as this little boy’s savior. I thought that maybe he used cocaine and constant intoxication as a defense mechanism to hide from the world his incredibly vain and boring personality. I always act like I’m cracked out while being completely sober, because I’m a fun, down-to-earth nerd at heart who just wants to be himself. I thought maybe if he hung out iwht me, he could see there was more to life than a temporary high. He could eventually grow comfortable in his own skin.

So, I’d hang out with him and try to hint that cocaine was not important and actually turn it into something negative in his mind. But his addictive personality would not let him do so.

about two months later he invited me over to his apartment on a random tuesday night. I thought we’d do typical couple things, like watch a movie and cuddle, but when I got there, he wanted to buy cocaine and get drunk.

I had a test the next morning, so I went straight to bed.

at about five in the morning I woke up to extremely loud music, cracked the door of his room, and watched him snort lines from the counter of his dingy student apartment, realizing then that this poor boy was beyond help in the drug department. But then again he is  a “model” so cocaine just helps him perpetuate those stereotypes.

2. Compulsive lying- Lying is a cyclical engagement that leads to more lying. Don’t get involved! The first lie I caught Jack in was so small and miniscule that I never brought it up. Thsi was during the courting phase where we were still getting to know one anohter. He invited me to hang out wiht him one night, then never followed up, but instead just told me he was going to bed. Naturally, he was actually just going out with friends probably to do some cocaine and drink. I knew he lied about going to bed, but figured he just changed his mind or whatever.

Then I got to know him, and I watched him lie to everyone around. He lied to his parents about a broken phone just to get a new one. I ALWAYS get what I want!  He lied to his ex roommate about hanging out with me, he lied to me aobut who he hungout with, and he created some alternate, delusional world where he’s this one-of-a-kind ruler of the universe.

Allow me to explain. Though this boy had many VICES, I often excused him because he was in med school. I mean he came to one of my friend’s houses in scrubs once, claiming to have come from the med school, and he used to brag about what kind of surgeon he was going to be. Knowing this, I thought there had to be a seed of an actual, goal-oriented, and driven person inside him somewhere. I wanted to be the one to pull that out. I guess I should admit that I actually did like him, but not him, just the person he claimed to be and the person I though he had the potential to be.

When Jack wasn’t being a manipulative liar or staring at himself in the mirror and complimenting his own appearance,

You are so lucky to have such a good looking boyfriend!

Ew, it’s disgusting how good I look!

Oh? you like my hair? No, I didn’t just spend thirty minutes trying to make my hair look this elegantly disheveled. 

he actually could be a cool guy. When his humor bordered less on cruelty and more on the nerd side, I saw hints of a real person, a person I actually liked. But this stranger appeared so infrequently that it wasn’t even worth having to deal with conceited Jack for.

so, anyway, I used to make excuses for him becasue of med school. But then as we began to hang out almost 24/7, I noticed how I seemed to be doing 100x more studying that he would. and I started to notice he never had any reading to do or any homework to complete. Call me stupid, but I had this perception of med school being extremely stressful and taxing, leisure time would be rare.

I thought to myself, “wow, if this is how doctors from the UA study, then remind me never to go to one from there.”

But then people used to tell me, “We’ve checked it out, he’s not even enrolled in the UA.”

“Yea, no one in the med school even knows him.”

I used to disregard people telling me that stuff becuase I assumed it was just typical Tucson gays starting drama. Then I discovered the truth. Jack was NOT in med school. Jack was NOT even in school. Well, to be honest, I only discovered that he was kicked out of med school. He claimed to be completing some type of research thing and trying to get into other schools at the moment.

I’m not the kind of person who cares about that or not. But don’t go around telling everyone you are doing something when you are not! It’s embarrassing!

3. Thievery- Stealing is wrong!!! I should have went running for the hills the first time I found out Jack was a thief. But he’s not a thief in the klepto sense, he only steals when he thinks he is owed something (prototypical sociopathic trait.) This specimen I’m writing about is a fascinating case study in the psychology of a psychopath.

So, in a typical sociopathic style, Jack had grown to be best friends with someone, but then after latching himself on, lying, manipulating, and just being a horrible person, the relationship expired quickly, and like a carton of chunky milk, both parties wanted to throw the other away. (a sociopath lacks real human emotions, so he had no feelings about losing his best friend, in fact, he just cared about making sure it showed how little he cared about the other person.. pathetic.)

But apparently, his ex best friend owed him money for the electric bill or something. The ex roomate didn’t respond to calls or texts, so Jack found a way to get his money.

My ex best friend owes me money! Instead of trying to talk about it like an adult, or just stop being a cheap bitch and letting it go, I’m going to break into his Jeep and steal $80 of his tip money! Yayyyy!

I remember the night he did it, he came up to me, eyes all wide (not because he was high on cocaine for once), but all excited because his adrenaline kicked in and the sociopath in him got off on the rush of stealing money and getting revenge. He was so excited. It was kind of creepy.

Creepy because he resembles an alien. He has this incredibly scrawny body with this abnormally huge head. Actually, he kind of looks like ET. But the fact that this kid seemed to have no moral codes, no human emotions, and just looked like an alien, It was very unsettling and creepy. Like uncanny valley type shit, if he’s the newest model of humanoid robots, then they are getting dangerously close to replacing humans forever.

But in the newer models, they should make the humanoids much better at sex.

4. Greedy in bed- this normally applies to sociopaths, but with Jack it was a little different. Not only was he too apathetic to ever make a move, but sex with him was calculated, sterile, and BORING! I’m Italian, I’m passionate, and I use sex as a way of connecting wiht your partner on a different and more intimate level. We did it right, we dated for about two months before hitting the sack. I really thought he was waiting becasue he also believed in morals like that. nope, he just wanted to always have the upper hand.

If we break up, I can still claim that I never really liked him and that he always chased me, because I’m that crazy that I think in this manner! … Yayy!

but anyways, sex SUCKED. He lasted a good two minutes, he always wanted to be on top, he didn’t like foreplay, he NEVER kissed, he lacked any kind of rhythm, and he was creepily quiet during the whole event.

We certainly didn’t have a sexual relationship.

Ok I’m getting bored now, so let me just explain the point of all this:

a few blog posts ago, I posted about how girls nowadays never are able to find romantic men. I will be honest, Jack kind of inspired the blog becasue i was so frustrated that this kid never showed emotions, acted liek he liked his boyfriend, or ever said anything sweet.

Why would I compliment you, the person I’m with, when there’s not enough time in the world to compliment myself? I don’t have anything else to offer the world besides my facade, so let’s just talk about that…

But a week before, I was sick of it all, the lies, the drugs, everything, so I broke up with his ass. I wrote that blog, and he went BALLISTIC! in the typical delusional manner, he placed him at the center of the universe and read all kinds of into it. I’m being honest when I say he inspired it, but when I actually sat down and wrote it, he never crossed my mind, becasue it wasn’t about him.

Then he texted me: Fuck you. You really screwed yourself over with this one. Stop texting me.

That was taht. I didn’t text him, because there was no point to. I just ignored his conceited self.

I think that got to him, so 20 mins later he tweets:

That awkard moment when your ex writes a blog about you and justifies it by calling it “Art”

Umm okay, I desperately wanted to tweet back but saw no point. I wanted to just let it go.

Then he started randomly liking all these posts on my facebook, and I didn’t understand it. He texted me to stop texting him…which I did, so WHY was he still trying to get my attention?

Then three days later, he adds my other ex on Facebook and starts texting my ex-roommate who I accidentally slept with once thanks to one to many tequila shots. What’s interesting about this was he literally used to say the worst things about both these individuals, not only that, but he’d talk about them horribly with people who didn’t even know them. But he knew that both these individuals were important to me. So, he put on his “I’m just a nice girl” face and wanted to hang out with them. curious how his feelings changed on the both of these two individuals right when we break up.

It angered me, but I didn’t care about my ex hanging wiht him, bc, I knew my ex wouldn’t give into his bs. I felt sorry for my ex-roommate becuase he was just too stupid to see that he was being used as the butt of Jack’s jokes and just a guaranteed guy who will give him rides or provide entertanment when he’s called.

But at that point, I’d had enough, so I blocked him on facebook, hoping to never see him again.

two weeks later a picture is posted online where I’m wearing this polo tee. It was his, but seeing as he had quite a large amount of my clothes at his place, I assumed it would just be a trade.

He saw it online and texted me wanting it back. I thoguth to myself, “you cheap, asshole! cut your losses and move on. plus I really like that shirt!” so I told  him I threw it away. This was stupid of me and crazy of me. I admit here that I am wrong and should have just given the damn shirt back right away.

He texted me that he would find a way to get my shirt back one way or another.

This is a scary text coming from a sociopath. I read it, and I imagined him breaking into my apartment, stealing that shirt, and having another adrenaline rush like when he stole from his ex best friedn. I saw that creepy look in his eye and I thought, no, it is NOT worth it.

So I dropped off the stuff at his doorstep, not wanting to see him.

I should mention he still has my belongings at his apartment.

All in all, it was a waste of my time! I’m too naive and I thought i could help this kid grow up, open up his emotions, and actually own the Jack that I liked, not hte fake liar. But there’s no making sense wiht a sociopath. I just feel bad for him now, because he’s seriously mentally ill, but will probably not be able to seek help until he finally manipulates his way into serious trouble. Let’s hope we don’t see him on the next season of Intervention. and I guess he finally got what he wanted:

“that awkward moment when your ex writes a blog about you”