Day 1 – Thursday, October 29, 2009 4:13 p.m. – 2 days before Halloween
Nestled at the quaint estuary fed by the Piscataqua River is the charming town of Portsmouth.
New Hampshire’s government splashes this gem on every tourist post card to beckon tourists to its picturesquely preserved and overpriced lodgings.
The town is revoltingly cute.
Rows of strawberries line the banks of the city’s ponds like crimson scarves or veins of blood. The streets have been perfectly macadamized with geometric cobblestones, eliciting that European aesthetic. The architectural influence nods to the Motherland’s culture – the same culture the town’s founding puritans hoped to escape.
Then there’s the mill on the North Pond.
A gambrel roof encloses the unusual, blue-bricked building. The mill is two and a half stories high with square, navy-brick pilasters flanking the front. White molding of intricate execution juxtaposes the façade’s deep, navy blue exteriors. Were it not for the watermill protruding from its right side, the building would look almost like a private residence.
It did not at all appear to be a desolate factory.
A flash of black emerges from the small orange and brown wood delineating the mill’s left side.
The flash, after closer inspection, reveals a plump, porcelain girl sporting wispy black hair, sullen green eyes, and leather, double-buckle boots. A charcoal, Hot Topic jacket reaches down to a dark maxi skirt.
Her name is Kara.
Cautiously examining her surroundings, Kara paces quickly towards the mill’s front door. Careful to not be seen, she pulls out a key from her Nightmare before Christmas tote bag. She unlocks and enters.
In the middle of the room, she plops to the floor and opens a laptop.
It’s Kara, your favorite 7th grade witch!
First of all, I just want to thank everyone for their support in my campaign to be nominated for a Webby award. It’s because of you guys I do this and have been afforded so many amazing experiences to share my story with the world.
I truly love my fans.
As you know, this is my vlog to teach you non-magic folk – of whom, I sometimes adoringly refer to as plebeians – about my world
The world of magic!
October’s always been my favorite month because it’s thirty-one calendar days idolizing my people; the witches. So I want to invite all of you to a Livestream séance I’ll hold on Halloween night at 8 p.m. eastern standard time
– that’s 5 p.m. for you west coast Ghoulies –
to connect with our spirit realm. Yes, we’ll celebrate the night when the borders between realms are the thinnest.
It will be a ghastly good time!
I also like October because the leaves change colors. I swear, when I sit alone in the woods, chanting my solitary litha ritual, it literally feels like I’m surrounded by twenty foot flames. Flecks of reds, oranges, and browns combine into one natural blaze. Gorgeous, really!
I woke up this morning and soared my broom through the dazzling fall woods. Aloft in the air, the crisp New England air brushed my cheeks like the kisses of a million boogeymen, leaving them wet and red.
As I clutched my organite talisman (which I always wear for good luck) I knew it was going to be a good day.
But sometimes, even when you want it to be a good day, other negative forces preempt that.
For example, after my morning ride, I find myself betrayed.
My whole family knows Hot Pockets are my thing. I’m pudgy for a reason: I like my bread and cheese. So what does Hadley, my little brother, do when he realizes there’s only one left in the carton?
He eats it, that’s what.
In lieu of Hot Pockets, I boiled water to cook ramen noodles, all-the-while festering with contempt for Hadley’s actions. He knows Hot Pockets are my breakfast on Thursdays, why would he disrespect me like that? My blood, like my chicken ramen, boiled. I snarled and upturned my lips with hatred.
I had to teach Hadley a lesson, so right before the school bus came, I cast a spell that would malign Hadley with an insuperable starvation no food could assuage.
The poor little guy spent his whole morning feeling emaciated … BUT he did need to learn not to mess with a girl and her Hot Pockets. I’m still working on my spell casting powers, so the curse only lasted three hours, but that’s all Hadley really needed anyway.
In Biology – first period and my favorite – we dissected frogs.
At first, I was excited to show off my dissection skills. Having need for a myriad of animal organs (tributes, spells, etc.) I’ve perfected my use of the knife. But I always enchant my dissection specimen in order to prevent natural decay. Plebeians don’t have the benefit of magic in carcass preservation, so it was most abject and surprising for a witch to dissect a plebian-preserved frog. The formaldehyde suffused the classroom’s air. The noxious odor was almost visible under the fluorescent lights. It was horrible to do to a creature of Gaia.
Followed by my favorite class was my least favorite: P.E.
I mean, isn’t obvious?”
Kara then places her hands before her, showing off her rotund figure. Meanwhile, a black cat, seemingly out of nowhere, jumps on her lap.
“Oh, Jinx! I love you. Say hi to everyone!!
I swear, sometimes I think you guys love Jinx more than me.”
Kara lays Jinx to the side and winks cheekily to the camera.
“So naturally, in P.E., we played kickball and naturally Maddie Johnson and Brittany Moss were team captains. Maddie and Brittany are two walking Bratz dolls – without the keen fashion sense. They’re beautiful and stupid.
But apparently stupid can still be really mean.
So after I’m picked last and put on Maddie’s team, she tells me – You better not ruin our chances of winning, Butterball.
All the girls snickered at that lame remark.
But I didn’t want to be the fat girl who can’t win.
I charmed the ball to levitate upon impact, knowing it would be a home run for my team. When my foot touched the ball’s skin, it immediately shot up 50 feet in the air and jutted far, far from the field.
I skipped from first base, picked a bouquet to dandelions in between second and third and right before home, Brittany snatched an extra ball from the rack and shunted it at me, knocking me squarely in the kisser.
I immediately recoiled and lost my balance from the shocking blunt force.
The entire girls P.E. class cackled at my fall, pointing and chiding my lack of balance. Cruel words of piglet, fatty, and Bhudda were lobbed with alarming ease. Groupthink of cruel foolishness set in.
The incident incited an impassioned rage. None of these girls like me and I don’t know why. I mean, sure I’m a little out there AND also happen to be a witch, but isn’t it life’s diversity that makes the world turn? What had I ever done to fuel such resentment?
Is being fat such a crime?
No, these heathen Heathers were being mean just because they could be so.
Luckily, fourth and final period was English, where we spent our class reciting original poetry. When I stood at the podium, shaky and nervous to speak in front of Brody Jackson – the cutest boy in middle school – I took the opportunity to curse Brittany.
And this is your lesson for the day.
A simple revenge spell, such as the one I’m about to tell you needs nothing more than your voice.
It was a simple recitation:
Upon the realm in which I live
The gift of color I now give
To Brittany with heart and soul
To change her and make her whole
By all on high and the law of three
This is my will, so shall it be
Her hair wouldn’t change instantly – it would change during her sleep. I’m very excited to go to school tomorrow and test my abilities. I feel I’m really honing my witchcraft!
Well, that’s all I have for today. Make sure to subscribe to my channel and post your comments/questions in the thread below.
Kara snapped her notebook shut and ran out of the mill.
Day 2 – Friday, October 29, 2009 – 4:05 p.m. – 1 day before Halloween
The blue mill’s cavity is filled with a cornucopia of Wiccan memorabilia. The entire right side of the room – yes the outside is deceptive, it turns out to be one, gigantic room – serves as a garden for herbs of all kind: rosemary, sage, anise, agrimony, belladonna, and buckeye.
In the left corner, a dozen voodoo dolls hang from clotheslines, four of them pierced with all kinds of tiny weaponry. In the center stands one crucible with remnants of rare metals and one cauldron filled with a fetid, brown liquid.
Rows of shelves have been erected along the left sides of the building where one can find candles of all colors and sizes
– including the rare, 12-foot candle used for warding off curses.
Jars filled with pickled organs and phalanges line the bottom shelves.
A gold pentagram has been painted on the floor directly in front of the altar, centered on the far wall.
Kara rushes into the mill and logs onto her web cam in the pentagram’s center.
“Hi Youtube! It’s Kara, your favorite, 7th grade witch!
Turns out my revenge spell didn’t work quite as planned. I was hoping to turn Brittany’s hair white but it ended up this poopy green color.
I guess if you really think about it, it still worked out in my favor. For once, the snickering was not directed at me. By mid-first period Brittany wrapped her hair in a bandana, covering her tears with lady bug sunglasses. By second, she’d ordered her mom to pick her up early from school for a salon emergency.
In first period – Algebra – Mrs. Tuttle (It’s strangely pronounced Tootle – which is why we dubbed her Mrs. Poodle: only dogs were meant to have that kind of perm) paired me with the freakishly tall couple.
It’s a tale as old as time: freakishly tall boy meets freakishly tall girl and they merge, fusing to become a freakishly tall couple.
Apparently they are a freakishly inept couple as well – when we were paired off to complete a list of algebraic equations, they make me do all the work. Mrs. Poodle is a no nonsense broad who doesn’t care about nuances of situations. She expects the work to be done in a timely manner, despite all obstructions to your goal. I had no choice but to submit and finish all exercises alone.
Then, without the aid of luck (and I was wearing my dang organite talisman), second period history pairs me once again with the freakishly tall couple. Once again, I do all the work while they coddle and play footsie.
Stuff like that just irks me. Take some responsibility and pride – do your work!
So I decided to teach them a lesson – I wanted to truly turn them into a freakishly tall couple. I raced to the second floor balcony in between classes. The balcony edged the auditorium, where I could watch the herds of plebeians as they meandered between classes. I targeted the freakishly tall couple surreptitiously.
Nape, nape, nape will grow
Neck, neck, neck will show
Head aloft; eye in sky
Fired up, heavens high
Obviously, I targeted their necks, hoping to turn them into walking giraffes – but I didn’t target them adeptly. I should have been wearing my glasses because instead of the freakishly tall couple’s neck growing, I must have aimed at Mrs. Poodle.
She screamed a surprised Oh! The kind reminiscent when a woman sits on a child’s toy or has her phone’s vibration setting too strong.
The bad grey perm, along with her snubbed-nose countenance shot up like a rocket – thirty feet!
Her neck elongated as it shot up until her head met with the exposed, industrial ceiling, knocking her out cold on a pipe.
I immediately put a stop-curse on her, forcing her neck to snap back to its original size like a slinky, but the whole school erupted in a swell of fear. Perhaps it was a bit much… We were let out early without explanation.
With the extra time, I visited the magic store in Providence (thank you, magic broom) and bought a new jar of Hindu toes. I’m going to paint the toe nails with beautiful designs and make individuals necklaces out of each one.
I’ll of course charm them to provide the wearer with luck or wealth. You can place orders through the comments by providing your email address.
Well, that’s all I have for today. Make sure to subscribe to my channel and post your comments/questions in the thread below.
Friday, October 30, 2009 – 7:57 p.m. – Halloween
Kara sits in the center of five concentric circles made of lit, black candles. Wax collected and hardens along their edges like eerie lava bubbles. She sits in the center of the gold pentagram, in front of her laptop.
“Hi Youtube, it’s your favorite witch, Kara!
First of all, I’ve noticed a barrage of youth groups trolling my channel, and I feel I have to address the situation.
Whatever you’re standing for that’s fine, but I’m standing up for me and what I know and believe in. I would never intrude on your church’s website spewing hateful venom, but I’m not a hateful person like many of you.
Let me edify:
I believe the magic of life is learning it’s something that’s more than yourself. SO – when you realize this, you realize the importance in leading a fulfilled life – beyond the superficial. In becoming self-actualized as so, you realize that your children are your legacy. Gifting them with all your knowledge and love immortalizes you.
Now I wasn’t so lucky – my deadbeat dad never celebrated a birthday or holiday with me. My mom, jumped from man to man and currently holds down a minimum wage job. She also takes some night gigs that she never talks explicitly about.
She never read to me; taught me morals.
So, of course I was worried about damnation when I joined the black arts BUT it’s the parent’s job for, I mean, at least the first five years, to ensure your child has a secure ride to heaven. But, there’s no need for your words begging my baptism, – it’s too late for me.
However, you hateful plebeians can live vicariously through my ride to hell.
Make sure to subscribe!
Now onto our séance.
Normally, you’d need at least two other people to create a circle – BUT that’s only necessary if you’re a plebeian. If you happen to have Druid or Wiccan blood in you – again, this is a matter of luck, not pedigree – you just need yourself. Tonight I will call upon Abundantia, the goddess of good fortune – because Christmas is quickly around the corner!”
Kara lifts her arms, raises her head, and closes her eyes.
“We call upon thee, Abundantia
Please grant us visit and bequeath us gifts most renowned
Come and communicate”
The leading of the windows begin to rattle. The floor vibrates. A gust of wind sweeps through the room, extinguishing all candlelight. The Youtube screen goes completely black, but the audience can hear a creaking sound, like wood snapping.
A blood-curdling shriek suffuses the mill and suddenly candles relight. In the illumination, Youtube can see that Kara is levitating without her control.
A vortex opens behind her, sucking her in.
“I think our message crossed paths with a demon, guys! I should have practiced a little more before doing this!
Please, start a crowd funding page for me to be rescued from this demon realm.
And make sure to subscribe to my channel and post your comments/questions in the thread below.
The vortex swallows Kara and quickly collapses.
Kara’s laptop remains on, taping the flickering candles.